Dear Life....I'm all in.

It has been a while since I posted anything.

Believe me - I have had times where I thought - "Oh wow - that is totally a blog post" - and by the time I get to my computer, I either lost the thought or decided that maybe it totally wasn't a blog post.

This adventure with Alexis teaches me more every day.
I mean - I am not a patient person. I pretty much want everything now or yesterday.
When you have a child with developmental delays and a "diagnosis" - you can push them all you want, but usually that leads to frustration and dissapointment.


When Alexis first recieved her autism diagnosis - and I started to read stuff I found on the internet - and I became a nutcase zealot. I was here to tell you probably some off the wall stuff - "snake oil" stuff - and I wasn't educated. I hadn't talked to other parents (especially parents of children who had lost their diagnosis - or who were smack in the middle of hell with their kids) - or sought help from her therapists.

I just knew that something broke my kid - and I was mad as hell. This also drove me to drink like a nutcase zealot - but that's where my friendship with Bill comes in, and a totally different blog altogether.

It took me a long time - and a lot of talking to Mom's who were much more experienced than me to realize that I needed to spend my time and effort being a positive and loving and devoted mother - and to hell what everyone thinks about ABA vs Floortime (behavioral techniques) - Therapists in home our out of home - vaccinations, biomedical detox - or anything else we do or don't do.

We do what works for her - and for our family (because it truly is hard to be a family through all of the sleepless nights - insane behavior and fear of the future - and uncertainty of her prognosis).
I try to keep my mouth shut - because if I tell people what I think caused the autism - or what we are doing now - they think or tell me I am crazy.
(I guess a blog post isn't the best way of keeping my mouth shut)

I trust other parents who are much further down the road than us. I try to listen to everything - and take away from it what I can for Alexis' sake.


I have spent the last 2 weeks in Jacksonville Beach (well we had about a 4 day break in between week long trips) - with Alexis.

We have been seeing a holistic allergy specialist (it is actually called NAET - and was recommended by our speech therapist who has also been treated for her life long allergies) - and these treatments are working for our girl. Behaviors that she had (and I won't get into it, beacause some of them are to weird to post) - were gone after we treated her for the basic allergies.

We still have another 2 or 3 trips remaining for treatments.

We are spending a lot of money and time on her. I thank GOD every day that we do have the money and time for her.

I hate to say this - but the autism rates are increasing and not decreasing. 1 in 91 is too many (1 in 57 for boys) - and no one knows what causes it.
I don't claim to know either. I am just trying to help my kid - and any other parent that seeks my help or advice.

I just don't know what is going to happen when all of these children grow up - and their parents die - and they have to be supported by the taxpayers.

Again - that's me being angry and resentful towards the media - government and pharm companies for only showing 1 side. If this isn't a health crisis - I don't know what is.

Anyway - back to the title of my blog - and the reason I wanted to write today.

I woke up this morning to my husband (who works his tail off so we can get by and pay for all of the medical neccesities for Alexis) - and to my daughter.
She ran up to me and said "hi" - and gave me lots of hugs.
A year ago she wouldn't have noticed me in her room - definitely wouldn't have made a peep - and for sure not hugged me.

We have been working so hard for her. And because so little is known about Autism - and why all these children are getting it - I can't claim to know anything except that what we are doing is working. She says "Daddy". She says "Hi". She initiates play with us. She is way behind - but she keeps getting better.

Matt texted me while I was in Jacksonville - and he had just transferred a chunk of money into my account to pay for more treatments......and he said "I'm all in with this kid".

Well - I'm all in too. My resentments - my anger - and my negativity will slow things down - or get in our way.

It feels good to be all in and realize that it's not all about me anymore.