Are we there yet?

Doesn't it always feel like we are moving toward some kind of goal - or aspiration in life? (Well - I do - and if I didn't - I would probably be bored to death).

And in that movement - it seems like life can bring us things that change our goals - our aspirations - and our values in life.

If I looked at the picture of my life now - 5 years ago (or even 2 years ago) - I think I would have fallen out of whatever chair I might have been sitting in.

A life that used to be filled with worrying about how much I was going to sell each month - how much commission was in each deal - my things - my car - going out and partying until sun-up on the weekends....who I would go with and where....

But really it all felt difficult and stressful at the time. For real?? Yes - for real. But when you are in your own life and in your own head - doesn't it always feel like you are in the most stressful situation possible??

I feel like I am learning a new way to live my life - and it feels a lot better.

Maybe it has something to do with being "in my 30's" - and more settled - or maybe it has to do with the ability - and constant need to surrender. To understand that there are things - people - places - attitudes - laws - and most of all - circumstances that I have no control over.

Life is a lot better that way - for me.

Yet I am still feeling like - "When is Alexis going to get better?" - "How many more trips do we have to take?" - "Is she ever going to talk?" - and "What about me? Will I have a career again?.....do I want one?? ;)"
It just feels like I am always going somewhere or doing something for her - or for the betterment of "the familiy".

Who ever thought that I would have my own "family" ?

Making money - Partying - drinking - and forgetting my name and address frequently was really all I cared about. What was the goal or aspiration there?

So I really have no idea of what the point of this blog is - and I know it is all over the place.......but even though life is hectic - the future is unknown for Alexis - we just completed our 3rd trip to Jacksonvile for medical care - and we have another one on the 25th (of this month....urgh...) - I am more at peace than I have ever been.

I love my crazy princess - my sweet dog - and Matt - and even myself - more than I ever thought I could.
I am just so thankful for all of the friends I have that have stuck with me - through my insanity - and continue to stick with me.

Are we there yet? Maybe we will never get there......but I am going to try like hell - wherever I am going.

Goodnight!