It's a "you" thing....not a me thing....

Ya know....my last blog was pretty pissy.

So I will keep this short and simple.

To all of the "you's" in my last blog - that is where it should have stayed - not in my heart - and certainly not on my blog! BUT - within the "you"'s out there. That is your cross to bear and certainly not mine.

Even though my ego let's my feelings get hurt - I do have to remember that that is my ego getting in the WAY - and I truly need to let go of the "victim" role.

Bill and his friends have taught me that when my feelings get hurt by other people's judgements of me - especially when they are unjustified - and out of whatever is in their heart (perhaps anger - resentment - jealously - WHO KNOWS????)........

That is truly a "you" thing - not a "me" thing.

The only thing I can do is try to be the best person possible - live gracefully & peacefully - and most of all bite my tougue - even though I feel as though it might cut the inside of my mouth.

OK God - open eyes - open ears....open heart........tell me where to start!!!!!!

Who died and appointed you to judge me?

Last time I checked - that is GOD's job.

Life is filled with judgement from people in our lives.

And I apologize in advance, because I am the FIRST to admit that I am writing this from a place of frustration and total outrage - due to events occuring in the past couple of weeks.

The thing is - some of you really need to re-examine the sharpness of your tounges - the looseness of your lips - and from the place which you come......last time I checked - none of you are GOD.

The hardest thing is - that no one can truly walk in your shoes - no one can truly know your heart - and your intentions.

I know what the word "Blog" means (WeB Log). But today I am going to re-define it as "Blowing Loads Of Gross" - out of my mind and onto a web page.

#1 - When I say that my kid is autistic and really hard to deal with - a lot of people don't REALLY understand what that means. A lot of people think I am being overly dramatic and exagerating about her behavior.

Well - you are cordially invited to spend a weekend with her at my house and listen to at least 24 hours of whining (that means 12 hours per day).

You are also invited to sit through 6 different therapy sessions a week for her - and hear her scream half the time.

Oh - and I can't forget to invite you to all the doctor's appointments - and specialists who tell us that she's "fine" - or even worse - "here is another specialist - go see them now"

People - it will make you - coooookalooooo - forget to eat (and then eat Brusters for dinner) - forget to take care of yourself and possibly go insane altogether.


#2 - You may also not approve of my decision to vaccinate according to the AMA's schedule - and to never again give my child a flu shot.
Please refer back to #1 - and try walking in my shoes.

#3 - No one has the right to judge me and my family on how we spend our money on ourselves or our daughter. Even if you are related to us - you really don't know how much we make - and how much we spend on our daughter's medical care.


#4 - On the subject of me being "too skinny" - well those of you who are so "worried" (which by the way I think is total BS. You aren't worried nor do you care abour me). I do the best I can - and I am 134 pounds. Last time I checked - that was far from anorexic.
On the same note - if you are truly concerned for me then why the hell don't you just talk to me? My husband is the wrong person to have the conversation with.
How would you like it if I went up to your husband and expressed my "concern" for the fact that you look like you ate an entire stuffed turkey for lunch?

#5- My sincere aplogies to anyone reading this who has done none of the above - and my sincere thank-you's to those who are supportive and loving to me and my family.

The end.

Which hat to wear?

There are so many hats that you have to wear as a parent.

There were a lot of hats that I never tried on before I became a mother - and a lot of "hats" given to me that I just knew I would never have to wear after becoming a mommy.

Well - those hats I didn't want to wear have slowly all come out - and are swimming around my head with great fury right now.

Hat 1 - Give up the career - the business suits - the ability to shop and buy whatever - and wear the "stay at home mom" hat.

Hat 2 - Be the mother of a child with Autism.

Hat 3 - Do your best to raise your child with Autism, and realize that very little is known about what causes this disorder - and truly understand that it is every man for himself out there.

Hat 4 - Mother Warrior - Advocate to get services for my daughter - don't take no for an answer - fill out extensive forms and go through whatever it takes to make her FEEL better.

Hat 5 - Wife. Deal with complicated in-laws - mixing of religion and non religion - closed minded-ness - and open mouth-ness - all on oposing sides. Learning that I do have definitive BOUNDARIES. Try to put Husband at ease about home life - and try not to break down crying when he calls to tell you how hard HIS day has been out there making a living for the family.
Put my needs and wants on a lower level and trust that God will give me what I need to survive if I just come to him and ask.

Hat 6 - Understanding that people in the medical profession are PRACTICING MEDICINE. If I want to get to the root of the problem with my child's health - there may be alternate twists and turns - heartbreaks - and always a small sense of failure mixed with victory.

Hat 7 - Zombie - Tired - No makeup or sleep Mommy. Confused - sad - and sometimes depressed & worried about the future for my child.

Hat 8 - WHAT ABOUT ME Hat. Guess what - it's not all about you anymore mommy.

Hat 9 - Even though its not all about me - ask for help to do something nice for myself - bikram yoga - nails - hair - a mini-break.

Hat 10 - Therapist. When you have a child with this disorder - there are so many "methods" - it can be so confusing to know what to do. Trust a therapist with experience and who gives you the most hope and direction for your child and then practice those things.

Hat 11 - A "friend" of Jenny McCarthy - who is not against vaccines, but believes there are harmful preservatives in them - and they should be spaced out - and not given so many at once. An organic gluten free - soy free - wheat free - casien free guru - the master of label reading - and "eating in".

Hat 12 - A "friend" of Bill W. Accepting who I am and that I am human. The only way I can get through things is when I truly ask my Higher Power for help. That is the only way for me. Ask for guidance - seek out fellowship - share - love - and accept love.

I am sure there are many more hats to come - and hopefully some hats that will go. The only thing I know for sure in my heart is....."Those who will be saved - will have faith until the very end" (Oh yeah - I didn't come up with that one...that was another "friend" of mine.)

Ya know what??

I think I am having a burst of anger or insanity - because you know what??

Everything I just wrote in the blog below is just a nice - tip toe - flowery - way of saying....

WHY CAN'T ADULTS ACT LIKE ADULTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????????????

AND IF YOU LIVE IN A GLASS HOUSE DON'T THROW STONES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok - I am done.